Tarte au Citrouille

If you think the name sounds ridiculous, you, O reader, are correct. Pumpkin pie just doesn’t translate well into French. Canned pumpkin purée? Unheard of. It’s not something they do.

However, I recently had a revelation, thanks to several friends. Pumpkin pie does not actually come from a can. Hell, you can use one of those orange things you put on your doorstep for Halloween to make one! Really! Who knew? And so, when life gives you a farmer’s market, you and your friends make pumpkin pie. Don’t let a little thing like not having a real oven stop you.

Step One: Cut up pumpkin with steak knife (watch your fingers!) Roast on tinfoil in toaster oven, jabbing obsessively, until it’s scoopable. Scoop.

Step Two. Mash.

Step Three: Make crust. Oh, come on. It’s flour, butter, and a little water. Make sure the butter’s cold and in chunks and trickle in the water as needed. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

Step Four: Add the custardy goodness of sweetened condensed milk, three eggs, sucre à la vanille, and, of course, the godly quatre épices blend to the punkin.

Step Five: Bake in the toaster oven. It’s doable.

Step Six: Profit.