Le stuffing, à la moi

Sausage-less Apple and Sage Stuffing
serves at least 5

You will need:

1 baguette
1 apple
1 onion
2-3 cloves garlic
3 sticks of celery
handful of sage leaves
handful of parsley leaves
broth of some kind
milk
2 eggs
butter, duh

  • Buy a baguette. Do this the day before you want stuffing (this requires forethought). Don’t eat it.
  • The next day, whack the baguette on the table. If it doesn’t break, it’s adequately stale. Cut it up into inch-ish cubes.
  • Chop up the apple, onion, celery, garlic, and herbes. Sauté everything in some butter until it smells really really good. If attempting to sneak pieces out of the skillet, let them cool before you put them in your mouth because apples get so damn hot.
  • Meanwhile, butter a baking vessel. It can literally be anything. I used a pie plate, and basically just mushed the butter in with my fingers. Oh, the class.
  • Dump in the bread bits and sauté mixture and mix them. If you’re making vegetable broth with one of those tea-bag things, you probably should have done that already.
  • Add the broth and mix some more.
  • Realize that your pie dish is too big for the toaster oven. Decide it doesn’t matter and proceed. Preheat to 175 Celsius.
  • Whisk together about a cup of milk and the eggs. Pour over the stuffing and mix, again. Add salt and pepper to taste (meaning lots).
  • Put the dish in the oven. When the door doesn’t close, cover the gap with tinfoil and have a glass of wine. It doesn’t matter. Just rotate the dish about 20 minutes in so that you don’t end up with one corner of raw bread crumbs.
  • Wait. Sample homemade applesauce.
  • 40 minutes later, remove dish (use a dishtowel, for God’s sake). Give thanks.